Back to Reality?

| 12 Comments | No TrackBacks

My mother is having surgery on Thursday. They found a mass that is encompassing both her ovaries. My parents measured a pineapple - it's about that size (yikes!).

We all seem to be handling it pretty well - on the outside. If everyone else is anything like me, our insides are screaming "NOOOO!" We all talked about my mother having a reprieve, and that this might make it even more difficult if/when cancer returns. I suppose we're all holding our breath - super, super hard - hoping that her surgery will come and go and we'll just go back to happy normalcy, and fearing that this is simple futility.

With my schedule (10 hours of nursing, 8 hours of burping/rocking, 6 hours to sleep, eat, shower, etc.) I have A LOT of thinking time - too much, I'd say. I often sit on the couch, nursing Liam, and think (or perhaps "sit stunned" is a better description) "she's 55." You'd think that with all the time we've had since my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, that I wouldn't be so stunned and so completely confounded by how this became our reality.

I watch my mother holding and enjoying Liam with a certain sadness. I know she's thinking that this is for all the future moments when she won't be able to do this - with Liam or any of her other (hypothetical) grandchildren.

And on that happy note, back to life!

No TrackBacks

TrackBack URL:


If it helps, my sleep schedule is shot to hell and I'm sure that this is part of it.

If it helps, my sleep schedule is shot to hell and I'm sure that this is part of it.

oh, mara. mara moush. i don't know what to say. i also am stunned whenever i contemplate your mamma's condition: she's 55. it doesn't seem real to me, not one little bit. i just don't know what to say at all. she's your mum. this is your mum.

i love you and i continue to offer my prayers for you and her.
love from leila

You have given your mother a very special gift a grandson. She has wanted a grandchild ever since you and Mark got married.Even though she is going through this horrible ordeal I've never seen her happier. I like your family was holding my breath that the cancer did not return.I'll still keep praying and hoping for a miracle. Your mother is a wonderful mother and a remarkable person and so are you.


Thanks for sharing - it's helpful to know who and what we need to include in our prayers!

I will right away grab your rss feed as I can't find your e-mail subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly let me know so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

thank you for your good post.seo services

Hi there can I reference some of the material found in this post if I link back to you?

This domain seems to recieve a great deal of visitors. How do you get traffic to it? It offers a nice individual twist on things. I guess having something useful or substantial to give info on is the most important thing.

These are really a girls worst nightmare, ive been dealing with mine for forever, glad to figure out there is some hope lets see if it is for real !

I think other web site proprietors should take this site as an model - very clean and great style and design, not to mention the content. You're an expert in this topic!

Leave a comment

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Mara published on June 9, 2007 7:07 PM.

Development was the previous entry in this blog.

Note to Self is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.


Powered by Movable Type 4.25