July 18, 2008

The Haunting

Whether or not you like it, my father is haunted. I prefer to think of this in a good way. Instead of being haunted by a spirit with unresolved issues, I believe that we are haunted because we are spirits with unresolved issues. Now, I, too, am haunted.

This morning, I was dreaming about being at work. I was trying to help some co-workers find an answer to something and I realized that it was something that the people who used to work with my mother would know. But, for the life of me, I couldn't remember her work phone number for the life of me. I started randomly punching phone numbers in the hope of remembering.

A woman answered the phone and said, "Hello?" I apologized immediately, told her I had the wrong number, and hung up as I remembered the number all of a sudden. After I'd hung up, my phone beeped at me in a way that it never does and I let my finger up off of the hook switch. It was my turn to be the groping voice in the darkness, "Hello?" I queried.

And, there, my mother told me, quite directly and firmly, "Mendon, I answered because this is becoming ridiculous." Then, I woke up to look at my clock and see that it was exactly 5 AM.

So, mommy, I don't know what has become ridiculous. I guess I'll have to wait to find out. One things for sure, I'm not rushing back to sleep any time soon.

(I also realize, the title of this piece could also be, "early morning waking" but that's just a bit too bitter.)

Posted by Mendon at July 18, 2008 4:57 AM

Yes, I suppose I am positively haunted. Perhaps the word positive is positively unnerving. Or enervating, or both. I am having similar type dreams and early in the morning. Maybe it is an awakening rather than a haunting or waking. Of course, waking has different meanings as well. See you soon son. Sometimes I just lie awake and speak to Mommy in the night air.

Posted by: papa at July 18, 2008 7:43 AM

Wow, isn't it interesting how we all experience our grieving, living without Maman differently ... and yet, the same?

I positively hate the "this is something Maman knew..." feeling.

Posted by: Mara at July 18, 2008 10:19 AM

Sometimes I find that once I have commented on a blog, no one else blog comments. It's like a blog killer. Why is that?

Posted by: papa at July 21, 2008 9:23 AM

I swear I commented. I think it got eaten.

Posted by: Mara at July 21, 2008 11:18 AM

I´ve been out of the blogosphere because I couldn´t figure out how to make the @ symbol on the Spanish keyboards. . . I have had many dreams of Mama while traveling. this morning I resisted waking up - even with the dogs incesently barking- so as to continue my dreams. In most of my dreams she is sick, but sometimes she is well.

Posted by: r.t.bean at July 23, 2008 8:56 PM
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