Ants - Six Legged DEATH!!!

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I hate ants.

It's not a subtle hatred, not a sly, slanderous loathing.

No, this is a violent and disturbing hatred, at leasit if you're from the Family Formicidae, in which case the simple formula:

My hatred = your death

holds.

I hate ants and kill them with extreme prejudice.

I understand that there are some of you out there who also hate ants.

Here are instructions on how to conduct an ant genocide.

First, cackle maniacally. I'm serious about this. Give it a shot.

Think about ants and then throw your head back and let the EVIL COME SCREAMING OUT OF YOU!!

Muahahahahaha! Muahahahaha!

Doesn't that feel good? It should come naturally. If it doesn't, go hire an exterminator who will rip you off for $500, spray deadly chemicals inside your home, tromp dirt all over your Persian rug and still leave a serious ant problem, because if the idea of wiping all ants from the face of God's earth doesn't fill your heart with a black glee, you're not cut out for this job, are you, ya sissy?

Okay, we're going to bend that pure black hatred into a tower of iron will, but first, you'll need to pick a few things up.

What you need:

  • Plastic ketchup squeeze bottle (empty)
  • Apple jelly
  • Cheap, greasy salami. Cheese will also work.
  • masking tape
  • digital camera
  • Ortho's Malathion AND Diazinon
  • Boric Acid, in powder form
  • patience
  • traps of all kinds (more below)
  • ant repellent, like Spectracide Bug Stop

I often get asked what kind of ant bait or traps I used. After all, my old flat was utterly overrun with ants and they were completely eradicated!!! Muhahahahaha!

Use several kinds. Frankly, the most effective were the Terro liquid ant baits, and I recommend that you read this:

http://www.pestproducts.com/antbaits.htm


You'll know you have an ant problem because you'll see them. The first one you see, even near your house, is a problem.

Understand this: ants are like The Terminator - they don't feel pain, they don't understand reason and they absolutely will not stop until they have taken over your house.

Prepare to do battle.

Most of what you have to do will come naturally to you if you roleplay yourself as Vlad the Impaler or some such thing. You're here for one purpose and one purpose only: deal death to the six-legged freaks that are ruining your life.

Put all other things from your mind.

We don't want the ants to get wise to our little plot and start using hard to find areas, so don't set up your ant baits right away.

No, no. First, plan.

Take photos of your house, all areas, during different times of the day.

Different ants follow different behaviour patterns, and just 'cause some Pharoah ants are wandering around in your kitchen at night doesn't mean that there aren't also, say, Argentine ants in your living room during the day when you're at work.

So record every ant sighting for about a week. Keep a log, take a picture - but do not disturb the ants and don't clean the floors or your furniture or walls.

What we're doing is causing an End Population Event - essentially a regional extinction, truly genocidal, so we it's important to get everything.

In order to do this, we'll need to let the chemical pathways converge.

See, ants, foul spawn of the devil that they are, communicate with one another using a chemical trail. If you disturb the chemical trails, they have to forge new ones. This makes them unpredictable. We want them to follow a strong pattern so it's easier to kill them all.

So don't disturb the chemical pathways yet. Observe the enemy. Gather information.

After you've observed the patterns and have a pretty good idea where the ants are coming from, we want to see where they're going.

Most ants don't live in the house, but outside in underground nests. Once the chemical pathways are well established, do an external inspection. Find the nests.

Take pictures once you've found them, but do nothing else. Remember, this is total warfare. You are a steely warrior and will leave no insects alive!

Take the apple jelly and mix with a little water and a teaspoon of boric acid powder inside the empty ketchup container.

Run masking tape on every flat surface near the edge of your home. Lay a thin bead of the water/apple jelly/boric acid mixture on the masking tape.

Leave it there and watch the pattern of the ants. This should tell you exactly where the ants are entering from, because for a few days they will only go as far as the apple jelly to get their food. Pay close attention to pipework in bathrooms and air ductwork. Ants use these conduits just like James friggin' Bond.

If you are dealing with Argentines or one of the greasy type of ants (some ants eat sugar water, some eat greasy stuff), then use thin slices of salami and cheese.

Now you know where the ants live, where they're coming into your house and where they go once they're in. Pull up the masking tape.

Time to deploy the ant bait.

I recommend using about six different types of bait.

Place outdoor bait all around your house so that one bait (only one) is on the path from each nest to your house.

Inside the house, use five different types of bait in conjunction. I recommend using a Terro Liquid ant bait trap at each entry point with other types further in and in obscure places for humans - under sinks, in bathrooms, in basements, etc.

Watch and wait.

What you're waiting for is a dramatic decrease in the number of ants, perhaps you'll only see a few - or maybe none in the house at all. This should take about a week - I waited two weeks because I wasn't sure.

Okay, once the infestation appears to have died down, clean the ever-loving shit out of your house. Scrub down every surface, clean up every last scrap of clutter. Wash everything down with ammonia - wear rubber gloves and keep all the windows open. What you want to do is make sure that you don't leave any edible residue, like fingerprints, anywhere. Vaccuum, dust, sweep and scrub like you're Lady MacBeth on speed, only with OCD. And you think that Martha Stewart is about to drop by.

Break out the ant repellent spray. Spray along the base of your home, keeping the spray concentrated in about a one inch wide strip along the base of the wall, both inside and outside.

Use dilute malathion directly on the nests. Shut every window in your house and keep it as tightly sealed as you can. Go back inside and wait.

Within the next three days, it should start: an End Population Event. There will be more winged ants than you can shake a stick at. Many of them will be malformed and unable to fly properly; their wings should fall easily off of their bodies if they are caught in a breeze. They should look starved and confused.

Use Diazinon on the nests - the cross killing profile of Diazinon and Malathion should be enough to finish off the hardy, malathion resistant few that remain.

You may want to move your family or pets somewhere else for the next twelve hours.

For the next half-day, you will stay awake within your pristine house and walk the inside perimeter like a Guantanamo Bay Marine. Everything you see, you kill. Make sure that nothing survives.

If you've been diligent in finding the nests, this will really only take twelve hours - after that, everything that's going to come out of these nests will have come and your home will be ant free for the season.

Cackle with maniacal glee at your prowess.

Follow these instructions without omitting any step. Don't flinch. If it seems excessive, remember, ants are the spawn of Satan. They're crawiling over you as you sleep, pinching your eyelids and stroking your eyelashes with they're front claws, getting up your nose and into your mouth. They are vile, horrible creatures whose sole function is dying by your hand!

Muhahahahahaha!

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724 Comments

I have the solution!

For everything!

Don't go to Sweden. Come HERE! Then YOU can have the great pleasure and honor of killing our ants :-)

And we even have a Swedish friend (male)...

allright, now if we could only figure out a way to convince Nathan how evil it is that the molding in his condo has not been put up we'd have no problems getting stuff done in dc! but that's not really the case. if you're nathan then perhaps those pesky ants are eating your food, crawling all over your pork faggots and present a notable threat to you. however, spawn of satan that i am, i found an ally in the ants. when i was in gambia the ants were our friends.
there was a problem though, the cockroachers were a lot hardier than our ant friends.
here's the logic, we liked ants because they ate just about everything that two sloppy bachelors could spill all over the place (except popcorn for some reason).
the cock roaches ate everything too but they were big and spread disease. the ants were clean. i didn't mind eating a few deep fried ants but a deep fried cockroach the size of of a silver dollar is not a pleasant experience to suddenly find in your mouth!
also, the cockroaches will invade the refrigerator (if it's kind of stale and warm like an unwashed man). i don't know, i kind of liked my frig like that. it even smelled like one. the ants dreaded getting lost and not having any light so they didn't go into the refrigerator.
we tried to trace the entry point for the ants and the cockroaches so that we could keep the ants (actually i did all of this, the other guy didn't really like the ants either but i thought they were kind of cute) and get rid of the roaches. the problem that we discovered was that the ants and the cockroaches were both coming in throiugh a gaping hole. this was known as the 'the front door' because, well, it was the front door. strangely enough i noticed that the doors didn't really help to keep people who resembled roaches or ants out of the house. we also had a few problems with human flies.
ultimately when i blocked out the roaches they just ate all of the ants and then through a wall and came back in. so, we did the easy thing, we got ourselves a good desert lizard that doesn't urinate and its feces are so small that they're pretty harmless and that pretty much took care of the problem until our maid discovered the lizard and she freaked. the gambians think that these lizards will make whatever you touch them with rot off as well as your reproductive organs. she, needless to say, murdered him. poor charlie, i'll never forgive her!

Ha ha ha! That's a great story - if a tragic end to a helpful pet...

Wait...you had a maid?

It's Africa, Nathan. Remember, Africa. Sort of a different cultural approach to maids...

Okay, does your formula work on wood eating ants or do I need to mix wet sawdust with the borax?
And who was I going to give this recipe to? I really hate it when I forget. I feel like I am slipping into Grampa-dom.

The above formula works on carpenter ants.

Remember, carpenter ants eat wood as a target of opportunity, so they'll eat sugar water and borax.

In your case, where it appears as though the ants have nested in the attic, I'd recommend attempting a mechanical extraction as well.

Make a reparable hole in each ceiling panel in the attic and vacuum them out as best you can. Leave Terro Ant Baits taped to the ceiling outside but near the holes. If you're still getting ants, see if you can use a flashlight and a mirror to see where they live.

Once you've got that, use the vacuum again, followed by ant baits until the population vastly decreases and you start to see immature winged queens en masse. Spend an all night vigil and vacuum every queen you can see. When it's over, spray the inside of the ceiling with Spectracide and reseal.

-Nathan

In your boundless knowledge of carpenter ants- you are missing a big chunk: carpenter ants do NOT EAT WOOD! They tunnel and bore into rotting or wet or unsound wood to make their homes- then they look around for other stuff to eat.

Hey, Anonymous.

Thanks for commenting.

If you mix sugar water and borax or use Terro liquid ant baits, they will eat it and die.

As to whether they "eat wood" or "tunnel and bore into rotting or wet or unsound wood," I think that's largely an irrelevancy to someone with an infested home. It sure looks the same.

If you don't reply to this, I'll assume you were a troll and delete this post.

Cheers!

- Nathan

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Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.

Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

If you're still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you'll know which is right for you.

Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.

If you're still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you'll know which is right for you.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

If you're still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you'll know which is right for you.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.

Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

Sorry for the huge review, but I'm really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it's the right choice for you.

Between me and my husband we've owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I've settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it'll do even better in those areas, but for now it's a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod's strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

I'll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like 'Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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