Things I love about my mother

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I love my mother.

If I could sing at all, I'd sing a song of praise:

Thank you for the gift of life, Maman, with all its heartache and joy.

Thank you for showing me how to love someone for your whole life. I wouldn't know it was possible if I hadn't seen it.

You're beautiful. I have a picture on my mantlepiece of you and Mara, both of you in your twenties. You're beautiful.

Thank you for always somehow knowing what I mean. For example:

Me: "I made thisfor you. It's a necklace that looks like Mimi's."
Maman: "The only necklace Mimi had like that was the one that she wore to the Halloween party in Narberth in 1957. She dressed up as a savage and Poppop was the great white hunter."
Me: "That's the one!"
Maman: "You've only ever seen it once. In a 50 year old photo. In black and white. When you were six."
Me: "It made a big impression on me! That's definitely the one."
Maman: "That necklace was made out of tiger teeth. This necklace is made out of coral."
Me: "Yeah, but it looks like it!"
Maman: "I love you, Nae. It's a very nice necklace."
Me: "I love you too, Maman." <- See! That's what I really meant. How you knew, I have no idea. You must be psychic.

I love your mulberry sorbet and your sour cherry pie and your cherry olives and your pot roast and your chicken paprikash and negre en chemise.

I love your paintings and your photos.

I love my purple and green wool socks.

I love every memory of us laughing together, sometimes for no reason.

I love you, Maman.

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I love Maman, too.

Last night I cried myself to sleep - in my childhood bedroom with our parents 6 feet away.

I promise, it is more like 15 feet away. Actually, I think you might be right, we are only separated by the bathroom, which is six feet wide. I think the 15 feet is walking distance? I'd have cried last night too, if I had any tears left. I love you all, too.

You will tell me when to come - right? I don't have a problem taking off from work.

Just so you know, it's not that time yet. Nothing has really changed, we just no longer have the 'hope' of the clinical trial in front of us. Though, obviously, that doesn't make it any easier.

I have no idea when is the right time for you to come. It sort of depends on what you want. If you want to watch me die, then wait a bit. If you want to spend some time with me while I'm still living, then come. And I can't seem to get a firm "This is what to expect", or even a squishy 'what to expect', so I'm totally playing this by ear.

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This page contains a single entry by Nate published on November 29, 2006 11:12 AM.

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