January 2008 Archives


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So- I thought I was dealing well with my mother's death. I came home and felt really good about taking care of her. I felt- and still do - an inner strength that came from caring for my mother.

But I've got hives. I'm not allergic to anything. I'm just stressed. My body is dealing with what my mind cannot. Of course- having hives adds to the stress. It's circular.

Last night an ambulance hit my parked car. It wasn't the prius. That just can't drive in the snow, especially on hills. Which means I'm forced to stay overnight at work whenever there is accumulation. Fortunately my employer is an avid reader and I'm able to entertain myself.

In Memoriam

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My mother played games with us. She took us to parks, libraries and museums. She had a rule that homework was to be done before we played.
She saw that we brushed our teeth, said our prayers, and had a good nights sleep. She taught us how to clean and how to cook. We grew fresh vegetables and fruit, and made delicious pies together
As my siblings, my in laws, my father and I came together to care for my mother- signs of my mother's influence were abundant. We drank tea constantly. We ate meals together. When we asked for the help of friends and family- we asked for a good healthy meal, with vegetables. Fortunately people brought dessert as well. We took care of each other while we took care of her.
In her last days I told my mother that I would miss her. She touched my shoulder and replied, "You will carry me with you." As struggle to wrap my brain around the fact that my mother is really dead, I am reminded of the many things she did or valued that will carry on with us in the years to come.
She encouraged us to go to college.She continued to develop her mind through art and continued education. She thought it was important to vote, and to write thank you notes. She enjoyed classical music and listened to NPR. She spent money wisely; took milk in her tea; and traveled when she could.
She was my mother, and my friend.
She is my gaurdian.


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My mother passed away at approximately 2 am this morning.

It was very peaceful. We washed her body with rose water and sewed a silk shroud around her body. It is a beautiful tradition that gave us all a calm feeling as we were struggling to fathom the reality of our loss.